There you go.
Okay. Okay.
There we go.
- Dry enough for ya? - Oh, yeah, it's fine.
- How's Tilly? - She's Tilly.
- Anything else for you today? - Nah, that's it..
All right.
How ya doing, Ryan?
May I have your attention, please?
For those passengers
traveling on Great Lakes Airlines Flight 2951
with service to Denver,
um, currently, that aircraft has mechanical delays in Denver...
Hello?
Uncle Erwin?
Hello?
Whoa.
- Sorry. - Um...
Hey.
So, uh...
You, you're Andie?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You, you look, uh, you look very different.
Could barely walk last time I saw you.
I totally remember that.
Well, get in.
Where should I put my...
Throw it on the back.
♪ I want my milk And I want it now ♪
♪ I want my milk ♪
♪ My cereal and milk ♪
♪ I want my milk ♪
♪ And I want it now ♪
♪ I want my Jell-O And I want it now ♪
♪ I want my Jell-O Green Jell-O, yellow Jell-O ♪
♪ I want my Jell-O ♪
♪ And I want it now ♪
It's kinda flat.
Yup.
I mean, I guess L.A. is pretty flat.
Have you ever been there...
to L.A.?
Nope.
Erwin, can we listen to some music?
- What's that? - Can we listen to some music?
Oh. Uh, no.
That dog there is named Little Bastard.
Watch out for him. He's a humper.
Mind the weeds.
A nice place.
Your Aunt Tilly inherited this land
from your mother's father, Spud McQuester.
She's sick, right?
Yeah, she got cancer. Come on.
Where is she?
She's at Rochester.
You mean she's not here?
No, she's not here.
Well, is she coming back?
Yeah, yeah. She's coming back.
Why are you here?
Well, the place don't run itself.
Come on.
So, it's just you and me?
Yeah, until she gets back from the hospital.
If I were that cancer, I'd be scared.
- Cozy. - Yeah.
Wait, is there enough service?
Uh, oh, no. We got a track phone that works up on the hill.
What about Wi-Fi?
No, ain't no Wi-Fi.
Well, is there any AC?
No, there's no AC.
Princess.
Hmm.
I'm kind of on a veggie kick.
Well, beans are vegetables.
You know, I don't remember you at all.
I remember you.
You were little Tater Tot.
Four years old, running around all naked...
with a big ol' bucket of water.
Then, you'd fill her up, and...
pour it on people you didn't like.
You'd say "I don't like you",
and you'd pour water all over 'em.
Did I pour it on you?
Not your Aunt Tilly. You kept her dry.
Every year, since I was like...
one, she sent me five dollars in a card.
- Hm. - For Arbor Day.
Yeah, she liked trees.
So...
why are you here?
Have you ever been to rehab?
I can take this farm any day.
Rehab's for puckered folk.
Shake it loose!
I wanna sleep.
Five minutes!
Hold the wheel.
Thank you.
All right, now. What are we doing?
Um...
- hollowing the fence? - Yup.
Driving the line. Why?
So the animals can't escape?
And they never do on my watch,
cause I drive the line.
You eat, you sleep, you piss...
you drive the line.
Drive the line.
Go on, open up the gate.
Come on! Quit playing!
Shit! Snake! Snake!
Fuck!
Holy shit.
You okay?
Come on!
Close the gate.
Here you go.
Beans again.
Where's the water?
Did you bring any?
I brought beer.
I'm parched.
Bet you won't be tomorrow.
Fuck!
All right.
Eat that up.
Don't you have any veggies here?
Like, from the farm?
This ain't a farm. It's a ranch.
Eat it up.
I'm not gonna eat this shit.
You gotta stay here at the table until it's finished.
You understand?
Puppy.
Come here, puppy.
Oh, good boy.
You!
What the fuck?
What the fuck are you doing, you fucking psycho?
- What is wrong with you? - Watch your tongue, girl!
- Fuck you! - Hey!
- Fuck you! - Go to your room!
Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit asshole!
- Go to your room! - Fuck...
you!
You're here, child.
And no matter how much you stick in my craw,
I am the king,
I am the queen,
I'm General George S. freaking Patton,
and I'm God.
And you are, and will always be...
Tater Tot.
You know what? I do remember you.
You were a drunk then, and you're a fucking drunk now!
Oh.
Fuck.
Go away.
I'm outta here.
Take me to the airport.
Take me to the airport!
This place is a black hole.
Your call has been forwarded
to an automated voice messaging system.
Um, Mom? It's me.
I, uh...
I just, I can't...
I don't know. Just get me home, okay?
Can you please just get me out of here?
I'm driving to the airport. I need you to buy me a ticket,
so, just call me back.
Motherfucking fuck!
Fuckers!
Fuck!
What the fuck? Get out!
Get fucking out!
Motherfucker.
Right, there's cheese, and that there's bread.
Put them together, put them on a skillet...
grilled cheese sandwiches.
Well, get at it.
There you go, Bastard.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
How are you still alive?
How do you not know how to make a grilled cheese sandwich?
Why don't my mom and Tilly get along?
Land.
Your Aunt Tilly got all this.
Your ma and your Uncle Carl only got...
only got crumbs.
And when I told Mom
that I'd rather come here than go to rehab,
she, like, freaked out.
Her face wadded up into a ball.
And, of course, my mom's always been a bitch.
Do you know that we're, uh...
we are miles from the center of North America?
They did Dances with Wolves a couple of miles from here.
You know, your Aunt Tilly was an extra on that shoot.
Played an Indian.
I mean, she's white,
but she's just in the background.
She tans up pretty good.
Attack, motherfuckers!
Holy fuck!
Richie!
- What? That's shit? - Goddammit.
Get over here, boy!
Yo, yo, yo.
My bad, boss man.
My bad, my bad.
All right, knucklehead. That's my niece, Tater Tot.
- I warned you she'd coming. - Bonjour.
I'm Richie.
Andie.
Wow, you got some soft-ass skin.
I use lotion.
I do, too.
Oh, god.
Take a look at this.
What's that?
Oh, you dragon slayer, you.
- It's all yours, boy. - Hell, yeah.
I'm gonna skin this baby up, and fry it,
and it's c'est bon pour moi.
You're doing that Rosie's Rocks, then.
It's fucking Rosetta Stone, crow's feet, and...
and yeah, I'm gonna sweet sing my way through Paris.
Oh.
That was French, dude?
This is, you just crossed the line.
She a college girl.
So many lines being crossed.
Hey!
Stuntman, you remember how to talk to females, right?
I'm speaking with a lovely, young prospect at the moment.
Welcome to the suck.
Hey, uh, you got cow poo on your windshield.
Jackwagon.
There's a lot of testosterone in this place.
Somebody likes you.
Hardcore cringe.
Did you get her number?
I know where she lives. She can't hide.
So, what kinda partying you kids do nowadays?
- Partying? - When you go out,
what do you do?
I don't know. Drinking. Drugs.
No, no. The big one.
Drinking and drugs. That ain't new.
Robotripping.
Trip a what?
No, like, sipping on the syrup.
Just cough syrup.
Cough syrup? What happens next?
I don't know.
There's a lady following me around,
vacuuming up my words.
Like, letters of the alphabet just falling out of my mouth.
I had a heart-to-heart with a plastic cup.
Well, kids should drink more beer.
Come on, girl. Come on.
- What do you got? - Holy shit!
Hey, can I try some of that?
This ain't cough syrup.
Come on. Seriously?
All right.
No, that's way too, you got way too much there.
Oh, I got it.
I'm fine.
Hmm.
Tastes kinda like cigarettes.
That's a big shock.
You see?
I am adapting.
Yes, you are.
I'm a regular badass, driving the muthaflippin' line.
Oh.
I think you were right
about those unfortunately-named bugs.
- Oh, chiggers. - Yeah, those.
Love note?
Do you write her all soldier-like?
"My dearest Tilly...
hope grows ever weary as the chigger enemy looms nearer."
No, seriously. What do you write to her about?
I just write.
I'm, you know, writing down about you.
What a pain in the butt you are.
Fuck, yeah!
Je coupe.
Fromage.
Avec le couteau.
- Le fromage. - Hey.
- Avec lec... - Hey.
- Holy shit. Look at there. - Hey.
Come on. Will you cut the shit and get outta here already?
You're annoying us.
What?
I'm just playing.
Ha-ha-ha.
What's going on?
- Can I talk to you for a sec? - Okay, give me that.
Yeah.
Um...
You move fast.
Can you trade that for an iPhone?
Who's the guy?
Some asshole.
Can you?
Whatever happened to...
Little Miss "I'm enjoying being unplugged from the world"?
You know, you could probably get
a couple head a cattle with this thing?
Well then, keep the difference, okay? I don't care.
Come on.
Please.
Yeah. All right.
Fine.
You got it, Tater Tot.
Past the nickname.
C'est ma plaisir.
C'est mon plaisir.
- C'est mon plaisir. - C'est mon plaisir.
See more brassiere.
Hey!
Where were you today?
Driving the line.
Where's Little Bastard?
He was with me. He's okay.
You know, I still can't find that can of beans.
I'm hungry for Angel Food Cake.
Why didn't you guys ever have a kid?
Too many miscarriages.
First one was on '85, and two after that.
In '87, and '90.
And...
and she said she was done.
I said...
"Okay.
We're done."
The last one was named "Violet."
Erwin.
Hey, Erwin.
Come on. Erwin. I'm serious.
Why don't you go to hell?
You spoiled child.
Your parents gave you everything you want for nothing...
and you spit it back in their face.
Your Aunt Tilly...
will be disappointed in you.
I'm tired.
Oh.
Richie, knock it off! I need help, I need it now!
What's happening?
Happy birthday, America.
Tilly wants a picture of the place all dolled up.
She loves holidays.
Like Arbor Day.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Actual fun.
It feels like a snake.
It moves. Can you do that?
See how gross that is.
Nothing, anyone. Nothing.
What's that?
Oh, god.
♪ And the way that it goes by In the blink of an eye ♪
♪ Ashes to ashes ♪
This place is really hoppin'.
Yeah, well, just wait 'til the cowgirls come out.
- Want a beer? - Mm.
- I'm good, thanks. - You sure?
Mix it with some fried chicken, you get like, uh...
- fully balanced diet. - Hmm, yum.
Or, get some top-shelf if you prefer.
No pressure.
I'm actually curbing my ethanol intake.
Let me ask you something.
Stuntman says, uh, you're a dropout.
Super smart, but...
kinda dumb.
You shouldn't have quit.
Foxy-ass brain like that needs a home.
Thanks for the tip, college boy.
Shit. I'm... I'm just saying that...
I'm not one that starts shit that I know I can't finish.
Ms. Tilly used to tell me all the time,
"Go to school. Get a degree."
But...
Shit. I made so much more bank working in the fields
than I ever would have finishing college
and getting some entry level job.
I mean, driving big rigs everywhere, and...
slick oil, that's...
That's the type of shit college can't touch.
Of course, you know, Erwin,
he's all about ranch life.
College is for pussies.
You know, my family is so weird.
Erwin writes her letters.
You know, like one a day.
He'll never go visit her, though.
Yeah, but that's, that's...
That's Tilly.
That's up to her. She's the boss.
She wears the pants.
I remember one time, I was playing
with my rocket ship out in the field.
You know, just doing donuts for fun.
And she walks out there, she saw me ruining the grass.
And she nearly flipped her shit.
She laid into me so hard,
screaming and cussing.
The very next morning, I pulled up into her driveway,
she hops into my passenger seat and says...
"Can you show me how to do a donut?"
You know what?
Fuck it.
You just crossed the fucking line.
- Oh, fuck. - What?
Shit. What is it? What? What? Oh, fuck.
Are you all right?
You're gonna feel a whole lot better
in just a couple of minutes.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, god.
Erwin.
You know, your drinking gives me hangovers.
Come on.
Up.
Come on.
Oh.
You need to go.
Okay.
Hey!
What's going on?
Ain't no fire.
Start the fire.
Okay, chill, boss. I got it.
- I'll start it. I'll start it. - Erwin.
Good evening, Tater Tot.
Hey, why don't you let me--
- I need to start a fire, boy. - Hey, come on, man.
Hey, why don't you take a break from fucking my niece?
Hey!
Hey.
Why don't you go home, okay?
I got this.
- You all right? - Yeah.
All right, fine.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Light her up.
Where's Tilly?
Light her up.
Why haven't you sent these to her?
- Where did you get that? - Why haven't you sent these?
- Put those back. Put those back. - Where is she, Erwin?
- Why haven't you sent these? - Put those back where they were.
- Why are you lying? - Put it back!
How long?
Eighty-seven days.
Where?
Out here, she can breathe.
Who else knows?
Me.
God.
Maybe.
Folks around town...
send notes. Just scribbles, you know.
"Sorry about your cancer."
Stuff like that.
Got a note like that from your ma.
Erwin, you need to tell somebody.
I need beer.
Real bad.
Can I get a moment with my wife?
Yeah.
He gave me this ring.
It was perfect.
Then a month later,
I found him chin deep with my best friend.
I just couldn't.
I downed a bottle of pills.
I, um...
I counted them out, and...
found out how many would take for me to never wake up.
I doubled that.
But, um...
I'm spare change compared to your shit.
What? What's that?
Tater, what are you doing?
- Jell-O. - No.
Thank you, no.
We were a couple of jackwagons last night.
Hardcore jackwagons?
Uh-huh.
I'm glad you're okay.
- Come on. - No, no.
- Okay. Come on. - I don't want it.
Come on!
Tater, I don't want that.
Eat me.
- Tater, stop that. - Eat me.
- No, come on. - And I don't want it.
The nurse said you have to eat it.
I ain't hungry, though.
- Erwin? - Hey, Doc, how you doing?
Good. Welcome back.
- What's going on? - Well...
- Uh, same old, same old. - So you regulate here.
Here's your pain control.
You still got that ring?
Well, Richie's pawning it.
Blood money.
What?
That ring.
It's gonna haunt you.
You should chuck it.
You're crazy.
You like him? You like that boy Richie?
Future hardcore cringe.
I don't know.
The next ten are probably all rebounds.
You should chuck that ring.
You tell.
I'll chuck.
♪ There's no going back now ♪
♪ There's no going home ♪
♪ But now that you're stranded ♪
Hola, chica.
Where's the ogre?
He's around.
♪ And how you missed Your friends ♪
♪ But I tell you, my comrade ♪
You know, I almost put cow shit in there.
Imagine, you open it up...
cow shit falls out.
Thanks.
♪ Everything will be forgiven ♪
♪ And everyone will be there ♪
♪ You may find Yourself feeling ♪
Can you tell me what that one means?
You'll have to go to France to figure it out.
Guess I'll have to do that.
♪ And your friends Are so successful ♪
Au revoir, mademoiselle.
♪ You're bitter And you're blue ♪
♪ But Jesus and his angels ♪
♪ Are rooting for you ♪
♪ Haloes in our hair ♪
That was easy.
Come on.
You're up.
Erwin, are you ready?
Here.
It's Vera Wang. Sexy, right?
Hey, no.
Not even one.
Come on.
Today, we get 100 percent Erwin.
Are you ready?
You remember your Uncle Carl?
Kinda.
Well, he's a hardcore jackwagon.
I ain't been here in a while.
What's wrong?
Squeeze that seat forward.
Wait. What? What are you doing?
- You sneaky bastard. - No. Give me that.
- No! - Give me that!
- No. - Tater Tot!
No. Stop!
- Stop! - Give it!
- Stop! Drop it! - I can't do it!
Coward.
You're a coward.
Stop. No.
- Give it to me! - No!
You... Stop!
- Give it to me. - I will run
- down the streets... - Give it to me!
- Stop it, woman! - ...screaming like a banshee!
- Go back inside. - All right!
- Go back inside. Go back inside! - All right. All right!
- Go! - All right! All right!
All right.
Mom?
Yeah.
Oh, my god!
♪ Ooh, the tones That keep your heart alive ♪
♪ They call ♪
♪ They call but no one answers ♪
Hey.
Text me.
Bye, house!
♪ We are alive ♪
♪ We just survived it ♪
♪ Ooh, our love Is better than before ♪
♪ Come take my hand Don't ever let it go ♪
♪ Don't ever let it go ♪
Oh, um.
Here.
I don't want that.
Seriously. Please take it.
You know, just...
Call me from a hilltop sometime.
Thank you.
Hey.
Go on, get.
Get. Go on, get.
♪ If I had wings ♪
♪ Like Noah's dove ♪
♪ I'd fly the river ♪
♪ To the one that I love ♪
♪ Fare thee well ♪
♪ My honey ♪
♪ Fare thee well ♪
♪ I had a man ♪
♪ Who was long and tall ♪
♪ He moved his body ♪
♪ Like a cannonball ♪
♪ Fare thee well ♪
♪ My honey ♪
♪ Fare thee well ♪
♪ Well, I was kicking my feet On a downtown street ♪
♪ I've never been down before ♪
♪ When I saw a pretty thing Coming up my way ♪
♪ On the opposite side Of the road ♪
♪ I said, Honey, oh, honey Where have you been ♪
♪ I've been waiting So damn long ♪
♪ She said, I'm sorry So sorry ♪
♪ But you shouldn't Even bother ♪
♪ I'll be married this time Next month ♪
♪ Well, ain't that How it goes... ♪
Put the cheese on the bread.
Put the bread in the skillet.
Grilled cheese sandwich.
Say it again.
- Put the cheese on the bread. - Put the cheese on the bread.
Put the bread in the skillet.
Say the last... say the last part.
- Say it. - No.
Say it with me.
Grilled cheese sandwich.
That was beautiful.